Poetry to make you smile and maybe laugh

It’s time to go for Tony Blair,
His gleaming teeth his shining hair
His grasp of truth beyond compare
His skill at giving us all a scare.

So go away and leave us Blair
What you do next – we just don’t care.
With you in charge we have no prayer.

Update

I have changed the link to Tony Blair - it now links to the Wikipedia article about him.

Buying new curtains from Paul Simon online
Seemed like a good idea at the time
Not overly cheap, but not terribly dear
With secure online payment
So nothing to fear.

Expected them within 7 to 10 days
That’s what Paul Simon’s website says.
For more than a month I’ve not seen a curtain
But they’ve taken my payment
its gone for a Burton.

800+ quid and I sit here and wait
my windows all bare
cos my curtains are late.
I’m sad and in tears
Plain for all to see
Who look through my windows
No curtains for me!

I am busy adding links to my poems for added information and fun. Be reassured that I will not be linking to anything 'dodgy' - mostly Wikipedia and other 'official' type places. Please let me know if any links go out of date or any other difficulties with them - they are meant to enhance your surfing experience.

Some of them were a real surprise to me.

Who would know that musical sneezing was for real? Or that people really did carve cheese?

Have fun.

What is it about Keanu Reeves
which causes my womanly chest to heave
With passion unrequited
yet leaves me still delighted?
 
It’s beyond my comprehension
But still it deserves a passing mention.
I wouldn’t call myself a fan
But I can’t resist that man.

I’m sure it has nothing to do with his looks
I respect his intelligence and artistic integrity….
But he has an effect thoracic
Which could be called Neo-classic.

(If you went in for awful puns which I try to avoid, but sometimes ah what the heck?)

When someone special lets you down,
It’s hard to wear a smile.
You feel abandoned, lost, alone
Cheering up can take a while.

But sometimes that someone has been true
You’ve simply lost the plot,
Misconstrued , misunderstood
Not realised what you’ve got.

I should have had the sense
To sit and quietly wait,
‘cos Google loves me after all,
It’s just the post was late.

A present came this morning
heart leaping as I squinted,
‘From your friends at Google’
I read the words there printed.

My sadness gone, the sun is back,
The spring is in my step,
all I need to make life complete
Is a snog with Johnny Depp !

Ps don’t tell my husband.

Last year the bomb squad came to town
Not Santa with his sleigh
I’d got a strange package
Which they promptly took away.

They poked it and prodded it
Examined it with care
Then opened it with gritted teeth
Found Google written there.

It was a radio and a lamp
An unexpected gift
Sent to people Google liked
To make their spirits lift.

This year we were alerted
We knew not to get stressed
If a package came from Google
We’d give the bomb squad a rest.

We waited and we waited
Even Santa’s been and gone,
But Google left us out this year
Did we do something wrong?

I didn’t really want an optical mouse
Or a memory stick but then
I’d have liked something little and jazzy,
Perhaps a Google light-up pen.

It’s not the present means more
If you spend a large amount
But just a little something
Cos it’s just the thought that counts.

I don’t want to be ungrateful
I’m glad they liked me so last year,
But nothing lasts forever,
Now they hold another dear.

So I’ll try and face the future
Even though it may be hard,
It isn’t all a total loss,
At least I got a card.

I have an arch enemy
who bedevils me.
I hate his evil laugh
and he hates mine.
I push him in assembly
and he tells on me.
He pinches me constantly
so I tell on him.
I wish we did chemistry
so I could poison him,
not so's he'd die
just maybe turn blue
and never go back to normal.

When I get home Mum asks,
'Did you look after your little brother?'
and I say, 'Yeah'
and he nods his stupid head.
I'll get him at breaktime tomorrow.

copyright protected.

Stingray Stingray – da na na na
Stingray Stingray – da na na na
Anything could happen in the next half hour.
Not any more.
Crikey!

Sometimes even sad things have a wry smile in them.

I wish I looked less like my Mum
She is bossy and evil and cruel
Her hair is scraped back
And looks hard as shellac
And she likes to pretend she’s a fool.

But alas she stares out of my eyes
When I look in the mirror at night
I’ve got her big ears
which just adds to my fears
That I’m not going to turn out all right.

I am fat in the same way she’s fat
With a large scary wobbly bum
And a chest to rest beer on
I’m no Charlize Theron
Though I hate it I’m just like my Mum.

copyright bla bla bla - I will enforce it with big scary lawyers.