Poetry to make you smile and maybe laugh

Oh the folk singer's bum - could I ever forget
the friendliest bottom that I've ever met?
Most folk's posteriors stay hidden from sight
But the folk singer's bum likes to come out at night.

Chorus.

Oh the folk singer's bum - it is round it is pink
Oh the folk singer's bum - if you aren't very careful
will give you a wink.

While trying to keep my eyes firmly ahead
I can feel my own cheeks (on my face) turning red
Can't hear what he's singing, oh why did I come,
hypnotised by the sight of his pink wobbly bum?

Chorus

Oh the folk singer's bum - It is pink it is round
Oh the folk singer's bum - is the friendliest bottom
that I've ever found.

I must be unlucky, whatever I do
I am always positioned to get a clear view
Of sheer liberality I have no lack
But I'm simply defeated by his yawning crack.

Chorus - whichever you choose

So if you're proportioned on generous lines
think about others and try to be kind
wear your blue denims pulled up to the waist
and you might be remembered for the smile on your face.

Chorus again.

This is a song to be sung to the tune of the Yettie's  - Fling it here Fling it there  Fling it here fling it there was written by S Lawrence

I wrote The folk Singer's Bum many years ago after a very difficult experience at the Llantrisant Folk Club, when I actually had the misfortune to be sitting behind the eponymous Folk Singer.  I think he must have been a builder in daily life.

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I am breaking one of my own rules here because I think this is so important.

This is not a funny post - but sadly it is something I feel I have to place here if I am to live with myself in the future.

I have had a very nasty experience with a certain forum which I will not name - mainly because I don't want to be cyber stalked and attacked in real life and in cyber life - as a number of my friends have been.

So up to a certain point I am to my shame that much of a coward.

But - I will say to you all - that if you join a forum - especially one which purports to be a safe haven for people under severe stress, please pleas please - do not give them your real email adress or any real life contact details - even if you have been on there for a long time.

Even a forum which seems to be extremely ethical and above board can suddenly turn out to be a very scary place.

A forum that is genuinely interested in you will not mind if you protect your true life details and it will not mind if you don't donate money in order to use its facilities.

You have to think toyourself - if this forum is genuinely only here to help - why does it demand a subscription fee?

It is one thing to make it easy for someone to make a donation, entirely another to ask a subscription fee.

The minute a fee is taken you have to realise that the relationship is not one of entirely kindly altruistic generosity - and you have to be as wary as you would with any other 'business' relationship.

Here is the poem I wrote about this experience, it is a true poem and it is good to be aware that this stuff happens and to protect yourselves rather than walk into a bullying situation and leave yourself vulnerable.

A Cautionary Tale

There is a forum on the web
I call the "forum from hell"
it does a very thorough job
oh yes - it does it well.

It calls to people sick at heart
for whom all hope has gone
It offers friendship to them all
with its siren song...

"Come to us we'll soothe your brow
and give you all new heart
tell all your troubles, we're your pal"
and then the real work starts...

For once you have unburdened
and let your barriers down
they give you false security
and then they go to town...

They start ignoring all your posts
the temperature turns cool
you don't know what you have done wrong
they make you feel a fool...

Then someone attacks you on a thread
you ask the mods to help
but you're left like a dog , out in the cold
no-one hears you yelp.

Your posts are held for reasons vague
you're accused of crimes bizarre
and your voice is silenced on the forum from hell
no-one knows who you are...

They take the hurt and vulnerable
they kick them when they're down
but first they build them up a bit
so its further to fall to the ground...

If someone decides to complain of this
and asks for it to be removed
we'll know they recognised themselves
and my story will be proved.

There is actually a forum called the Forum from hell and this is not about that forum, I have no knowledge abouth that forum, it just coincidentally had a name that I had generically given to the generic type of forums andwebsites that purport to 'care' and are little more than a playground for people who like to play mindgames with vulnerable people.

Please feel free to copy this poem and send it to people - I am not bothered about you attributing it to me even. If you feel someone might benefit from reading this then by all means send it to them - with or without a link, or publish it in your blogs or on your own forums or websites - I am not interested in maintaining copyright over this one little bit.

A woman discovers as she gets older
many things that were never told her

some information she might think important is
that hair starts growing where it oughtn't .

Now it might have been someone's but it wasn't my plan
to end up with a chin just like Desperate Dan's.

I have come to accept the cold fact of the grave
but I just can't be cool about learning to shave.

A poem for all women suffering from facial hair and desperately seeking a way to remove it.