Poetry to make you smile and maybe laugh

Dangerous Words?

Here we go -
to tell the truth:
I don't like most 'poetry' much
But I love the sound of some words
how they look on a page
and having people listen
to me for a change.

Was that dangerous?

I walked the wall from old Carlisle
when young and full of Bru
The sun shone bright
and in its light
I felt all brave and new.

Drinking deeply of life and pop
tasting every minute
sustained by dreams
and Irn Bru
and the girders in it.

The Competition.

Come and try your luck and skill
and win a fantastic prize
It might be a car
or a push up bra
or laser surgery for your eyes.

Fill in the answers carefully
especially your details
so we can use them
for whatever we like
we especially like emails.

In just a week we'll know who won,
if you want to find out too
pick up your phone
and call this number
to see if the lucky one is you.

The call may last for quite some time
and costs ten dollars a minute,
but you know the saying and we hope you agree
you have to be in it to win it.

What kind of fool are you?

Do you a. Prefer blondes
b. Prefer brunettes
c. Prefer redheads
or d. Like em bald?

Do you a. Have a nickname
b. Stick to your 'real name'
c. Stay anonymous
or d. Don't care what you're called?

Do you a. Prefer FaceBook
b. Prefer Twitter
c. Prefer MySpace
or d. Don't 'get' social media?

Do you a. Use the web for work
b. Use the web for fun
c. Use the web for info
or d. For purposes rather seedier?

If you picked mainly 'a's you're a sociable creature
friendliness is your major personality feature.

If you picked mainly 'b's you're a serious sort who takes their fun seriously as you were taught.

If you picked mainly 'c's you're creative and smart and have honed insulting friends amusingly into a fine art.

If you picked mainly 'd's you're an awkward cuss who likes to be 'different' from the rest of us.

If you picked a mixture - well what can I say? You're one crazy mixed up dude who needs help right away

Read the comments on this article about parents who decided to name their kid 4real and then changed their minds and called him Superman instead! Strange names parents call their kids

Makes my poem What's in a Name? seem almost tame!

Reading through the comments in the Telegraph article is an example of a parent naming their child Clamydia and a comment saying that the name Vagina was quite popular in one eastern asian country for a while!

The wilder my imagination gets - the closer to the truth I seem to veer

Poising Ivy.

Am I what I think?
Am I what you see?
Am I anything at all?
Am I even me?

"I think therefore I am."
A philosopher once said.
"But If I don't think am I not?"
Keeps circling in my head.

And what to think of you?
You're 'me' inside your mind.
But if everyone is 'me'
why is 'me' so rarely kind?

I do not want to think
thinking makes me sad.
So I'm poising at the brink
to dive neatly into mad.

Mad is nice and safe
it's where I want to be.
Curled up within my cosy shell
content unthinkingly.

Not really sure if this is funny or serious, so put it in the funny blog for safe keeping. It's funny peculiar I think. Or do I?

Why do I read you?
You drive me mad
Make me angry
Make me sad.

As literature you always fail
yet I'm drawn to you
sleazy Daily Mail.

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It is too hot to have my blood pressure raised like this.  So I am swearing off the Daily Mail for as long as I can manage to resist its sleazy charms.  It is my most shameful vice - to be lured back again and again to read its articles about authority gone mad and celebrities even madder.

It is wrong and I 
must
resist.

I love my computer and the things it does for me
without it I don't know where I would be.
People moan about the internet and say that it is bad
but it fills me with excitement and stops me feeling sad.

There's a universe of wonder waiting for me to explore
I can learn a million new things and then learn a million more.
I can meet a man in China, talk to someone out in space
and with a tiny webcam I can do it face to face!

I've communicated with people who raised my self-esteem
which helped me to achieve my goals instead of sit and dream.
I've listened to the world sing and changed my point of view
but most importantly of all I got to 'speak' to you.

Hello - and thank you for being here

A bit of a Sawer Point.

I've a very special message that I don't want you to miss
my husband has been appointed recently
to a very hush hush job as the head of SIS
which is wonderful I'm sure you'll all agree.

Now don't tell everybody this is just between us friends
just between my Facebook buds and me
so don't shout about it for there's no doubt about it
we must keep it quiet that hubby is now C.

Didn't you enjoy the pics of hubby in his Speedos?
Now don't you laugh, don't even titter.
I know it's safe to post because there are only friends on Facebook
I was told that all the baddies are on Twitter.

Inspired by the story of Lady Sawer who posted details about her husband and family and his work on Facebook and left it open to be seen by many thousands of 'strangers'.

According to the Daily Mail, the SIS and GCHQ were unaware of the Facebook activities of their new head's wife - until informed of it by The Daily Mail

I spend my days being insufferably smug
and pleased that I am me.
Despite my idiosyncratic flaws
there is no-one I would rather be.

I count my blessings lying in bed
before falling asleep at night
the one that I thank the lord for most
is how I'm always right.

There are people who couldn't cope
with my responsibilities
but then they were born without my hope
there aren't that many mes.

Very occasionally I fleetingly wish
that I could be you
so I would get a chance to admire from afar
and really appreciate me too.

Added audio file to Money Moon - just me this time on Garageband and using 'Live Performance' setting

I've also done a couple of audio files for song/poems on my poems-2-share blog too.