Banana's Funny Poetry Blog.

My fantasy on Cloud Nine

I dream of replicators in
a calm space installation
just outside the wormhole
leading to the gamma quadrant
run with care and wisdom
by The Emissary and the
incorruptible Odo at his side.
I yearn for explosions in heating conduits,
aliens with evil intentions
and Universe threatening weapons.
Cardassians seem benign now defeated,
their only legacy too much Yamok Sauce
cluttering Quark’s storage area.
Jem Hadar and The Dominion,
a cinch to deal with in my opinion.
It’s so much easier to imagine life on DS9
instead of struggling each day to cope with mine.

by banana_the_poet

Brickbats.

I am lucky to have my beloved
his moustache is all soft like a cat's.
I've decided to keep a low profile
to avoid the gazillion brickbats
which have been heading my way
since I put my pen to paper
and became the Queen of Jones' clones,
No good comes to those trying to ape her.

I've had my moments of fame
out-Lizzing the famous Ms Jones
who is back in the saddle again
with her Middleton-lookalike moans.
So off into the sunset I go
with my wonderful husband Pascal.
Hand in hand & happy with my hunky French chappy,
our love sweet but forever low cal.

In the hope that Samantha Brick may now find her happy ever after.

Edited to add picture from this article appearing in DM the day after the priginal article

Bricking it.

I will not hide in a corner
to appease the ugly and fat
I was born lovely and got better with age
you'll have to get used to that.

I'm not making excuses
for my slimness and glorious skin
I exercised to within an inch of my life
to get this pretty and thin.

I am happy to state in the papers
I use my cleavage at work
to befuddle male bosses to my gain and their loss is
they don't see my adorable smirk.

I have proudly written this article
to fulfil my feminist duty
of raising awareness of the hazards that come
with having incomparable beauty.

The paper was lucky to get me
not everyone would be so zealous
'cos totty like me can get everything free
lesser totty can't so they get jealous.

So I refuse to say sorry for being a babe
because it would be such a lie
and anyone who says I'm not beautiful
can just bugger off and die.

This is the second for day 3 two for Tuesday poem a day challenge 2012. Write an unapologetic poem - again it is inspired by Samantha Brick - a woman of such incomparable beauty I am sure these are only two of hundreds of poems inspired by her charms.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html - this is the article that inspired both this and the previous poem.

Being a Brick about things.

I'm sorry I'm so beautiful
it's really such a pain
to hold the sunshine in my smile
to be the rainbow after rain.

I'm sorry I make your husband horny
it's outside my control
I can't help that my flowing locks of gold
entwine his lustful soul.

I'm sorry I make you so jealous
because I'm unfeasibly pretty
and all you have to struggle on with
is being clever and witty.

I'm sorry I cannot help
but attract men without fail
but most of all I'm sorry I wrote
that piece for the Daily Mail.

by banana the poet

written for day three of the poetic asides poem a day challenge. Prompt: write an apologetic poem.

Sounds fishy to me.

Some nation compares visitors with fish
(the Japanese I think)
and says at first they are just fine
but after three days they stink.

banana_the_poet 2nd April 2012

Day 2 poetry a day challenge 2012 - prompt: a visitor poem.

The visitor.

I was sitting cross-legged in my armchair, marking.
I nodded as my lodger introduced us
but didn't say anything;
I was on a roll - ploughing through Maths homeworks
at a fair old pace with the finishing line in clear sight.

If anyone had asked me when he'd gone what the visitor looked like
I wouldn't have been able to tell them much:
beardy, leather jacket, brown hair,
that would have been about it. He wasn't there to meet me
he was my lodger's visitor - not my business at all.

He sat quietly on the couch waiting for my lodger
so they could go out somewhere.
I continued marking, as comfortable in his presence
as I am twenty two years later.

Michele Brenton 2nd April 2012