Fifty Shades of Blue - What Really Happened when I met Mr Gray.

I was living with this girl
not like that we're just friends
and she had a job to do
but had a broken heart to mend.
So I said I'd do it for her
and she went like, 'Oh OK'
so I dressed up & went along
to meet this bloke called Mr Gray.

Well to cut a very boring story short
and to be quite clear
I said OMG when I saw the guy
but he luckily didn't hear
He was like toterly GORGEOUS
in a mesmerising way
and I knew that from that moment
I'd do anything he'd say.

He looked into my limpid eyes
and his voice was soft and low
as he asked me if there were any limits
to the places we could go.
My mouth went dry and useless
while another place got wet
and I knew I had to take a chance
on whatever I might get.

He grabbed me in his steely arms
I was lost in his warm embrace
I was like toterly ecstatic as he
kissed me all over the place.
Then a mystical something came over me
no not that, disgusting - ew!! :oops:

But I found myself unable to stop singing a really weird
version of Don't Step on My Blue Suede Shoes.

And it went:
You can call me stupid
call me thick
you can cover me with glue and see if I'll stick
oh but don't you,
don't you step on my blue suede shoes
well you can do what you want but don't step on my blue suede shoes.

You can smack me in the mouth
smack me in the head
you can smack me on the bottom until it turns red
but don't you,
don't you step on my blue suede shoes
well you can do what you want but don't step on my blue suede shoes.

You can make me shave
make me lose weight
make me be the sort of girl that other girls hate
oh but don't you,
don't you step on my blue suede shoes
well you can do what you want but don't step on my blue suede shoes

You can roll me in the hay
roll me in the grass
you can even have a go at my sweet sweet
(I can't repeat that bit)
oh but don't you,
don't you step on my blue suede shoes
well you can do what you want but don't step on my blue suede shoes.

Well I think you're getting the message
it just kept getting worse
as I just kept on singing verse after verse after verse
and he stopped looking turned on
and instead began looking shifty
until I got to the last verse (I think it was verse fifty.)

Then he told me quite kindly
(in the way that you'd expect him to
when someone's just sung fifty verses
about their suede shoes of blue)
that we wouldn't be suited no how and no way
and that's the story of me and the sexy Mr Gray.

So I made my journey home
and I wrote this to you
and I'm toterly bummed
and Fifty Shades of Blue.
:'(

by banana_the_poet
An improved version of this - plus the two sequels: Fifty Shades Starker and Fifty Shades Breed - now available on Kindle as the ebook Fifty Shades of Blue - the trilogy by banana the poet - only 99c