tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2013-06-20:/Funny poems written by Banana_the_poet. This funny poetry blog is filled with original poems to bring a touch of humour to those who take the time to read them. I avoid 'sloppy' poetry and strong language as I just don't find those things very inspiring or funny. But I hope these offerings will be funny enough to keep people coming back for more. I once tried stand up comedy and although the audience laughed at the right moments - I didn't enjoy feeling like I was about to have a heart attack at any moment. So I decided to put my creative comedy stuff into poems instead. Hope you like at least one of them!MokoFeed2013-06-20T05:58:34+02:00tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2013-04-15:/2013/04/16/fun-with-broccoli-and-brussels-sprouts-15759126/banana2013-04-16T00:24:50+02:002013-04-16T00:33:17+02:00 <p><strong>Fun with broccoli and Brussels sprouts</strong><br> <a title="broccoli treetops by dropofocean, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ljz111/4070072656/"><img src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3530/4070072656_5c0fe48a6f.jpg" alt="broccoli treetops" width="500" height="375"></a></p> <p> Some children think the very worst thing<br> Is having to eat their greens<br> They haven't opened their imaginations<br> To what that really means.<br> If you saw your food the way I do<br> It would make you smile and laugh<br> Cos gazing over your plate is like <br> an aerial photograph<br> It's not broccoli or Brussels sprouts<br> If you play you're in the sky<br> It's forests of trees and cabbages<br> Beneath your giant's eyes.<br> You reach your giant hand<br> Carrying a giant fork<br> And spear a tree or two<br> And stick it where you usually talk<br> You are so giantly giantish<br> Living a giant's life<br> That you can eat six cabbages<br> No need to use a knife<br> They fit inside your giant mouth<br> And you give them a giant chew<br> And suddenly greens are much more fun<br> If you see them the way I do.</p> <p> by banana_the_poet aka Michele Brenton</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2013/04/16/fun-with-broccoli-and-brussels-sprouts-15759126/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2013-01-28:/2013/01/28/i-ll-do-almost-anything-but-i-won-t-do-that-15473250/banana2013-01-28T14:18:27+01:002013-01-29T00:26:08+01:00 <p><strong>I'll do almost anything but I won't do that.</strong></p> <p>Just be thankful I'm past my display-until date<br> and yet still have the wit to know it<br> For it's terribly hard to get major regard<br> from the public when you are a poet<br> and you don't like to rap or go hippity-hop<br> or swear like a chav who's spent hours on the pop<br> and you're so too far gone to be somebody's WAG<br> that for even Wayne Rooney you're too old an old bag.<br> It's almost impossible to garner some Glitz<br> unless you exhibit your thruppenny-bits,<br> But like many poets before me I've got a weak chest<br> so I'll save health & blushes & keep on my vest<br> and hope it won't scupper my chance of success.</p> <p>banana_the_poet AKA Michele Brenton </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2013/01/28/i-ll-do-almost-anything-but-i-won-t-do-that-15473250/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-12-13:/2012/12/13/who-would-be-looking-for-a-job-like-this-15315354/banana2012-12-13T14:18:29+01:002012-12-13T14:19:11+01:00 <p>Written after reading a particularly horrendous job description for an internship in publishing.</p> <p><strong>An offer you can't refuse.</strong><br> Come and work for us<br> we won't pay you money<br> and by the time we're done<br> you'll be walking kind of funny.</p> <p>If you don't have relations<br> or friends or any life<br> or a cat a dog or a small pet frog<br> or a partner, child or wife<br> or anybody on the planet<br> who might spot you're gone<br> You might be right for us<br> to place our muddy feet upon.</p> <p>You'll need to be available<br> every moment of your day<br> and if we wake you in the night<br> you must come in straight away.<br> If we ask you to lick our boots clean<br> you must do it with elan<br> and never ask our purpose<br> or suspect our evil plan.</p> <p>So if you have no self-respect<br> (also known as self-esteem)<br> send in your application<br> and welcome to the team!</p> <p>banana_the_poet 13.12.12 </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/12/13/who-would-be-looking-for-a-job-like-this-15315354/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-11-28:/2012/11/28/never-mind-the-buzzcocks-hire-the-horne-15256921/banana2012-11-28T15:32:56+01:002012-11-28T15:34:04+01:00 <p><strong>Never Mind the Buzzcocks Hire the Horne!</strong></p> <p>Whoever is in charge of things<br> from the depth of my blessed cotton socks<br> I wish that now on & forever<br> Alex Horne would host every Buzzcocks.</p> <p>Because he is the bestest yet<br> understated and full of wit<br> and the fact he has his own great band<br> means he is definitely IT!</p> <p>So if you are in charge of things<br> and want to be thought of as clever<br> you'll whip a massive contract out<br> and sign him up FOREVER!!!</p> <p>by Michele Brenton aged 51 and a quarter.</p> <p>Dedicated to Alex Horne and The Horne Section after watching him present what is in my opinion the most EPIC episode of Never Mind the Buzzcocks ever. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/11/28/never-mind-the-buzzcocks-hire-the-horne-15256921/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-10-17:/2012/10/18/fishes-circle-or-the-difficulties-of-keeping-pet-fish-15063359/banana2012-10-18T00:15:36+02:002012-10-18T00:15:36+02:00 <p><strong>Fishes Circle.</strong></p> <p>I really really wish<br> I could keep a fish<br> But no matter how I try<br> They just up and die.</p> <p>They either get a fungus<br> or one just gets humungous<br> while the others disappeared<br> 'cos it ate them all I fear.</p> <p>They just suicide in rotas<br> taking turns to end up floaters,<br> keeping fish just makes me sadder<br> like a fish with no swim bladder.</p> <p>So if you want to keep a fish<br> just remember thish<br> It's harder than it looks<br> in those nice fish-keeping books.</p> <p>banana_the_poet</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/10/18/fishes-circle-or-the-difficulties-of-keeping-pet-fish-15063359/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-10-08:/2012/10/09/and-15003115/banana2012-10-09T01:50:26+02:002012-10-09T01:50:26+02:00 <p><strong>And.</strong></p> <p>I shout at you, you shout at me.<br> If we had thought bubbles<br> they would be black clouds<br> with the wrong sort of pooh<br> and no honey bees.<br> I cannot believe how it is possible<br> to hate you so much.<br> My blood pressure is up<br> and I am shaking with furious<br> resentment.<br> How dare you argue with me?<br> But you are you and I am me.<br> And then I say something<br> so completely bonkers<br> it makes the unspoken thought about<br> the wrong sort of pooh clouds<br> seem pedestrian.<br> And we are laughing<br> and I can’t remember why we were shouting<br> and neither can you<br> and the storm is over.</p> <p>by banana_the_poet </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/10/09/and-15003115/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-08-14:/2012/08/14/fifty-shades-of-blue-the-trilogy-animation-by-me-14498775/banana2012-08-14T10:54:23+02:002012-08-14T10:55:22+02:00 <p>Fifty Shades of Blue - the trilogy - available on Kindle.</p> <p>Here's my Amazon author's page where all my poetry books (paperbacks and Kindles) live - plus a few more of my poetry YouTubes <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"><br><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Michele-Brenton/e/B0030SOTDS"><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Michele-Brenton/e/B0030SOTDS">http://www.amazon.co.uk/Michele-Brenton/e/B0030SOTDS</a></a></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/08/14/fifty-shades-of-blue-the-trilogy-animation-by-me-14498775/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-06-30:/2012/06/30/fifty-shades-starker-the-sequel-14008613/banana2012-06-30T16:53:26+02:002012-07-02T21:43:35+02:00 <p><strong>Fifty Shades Starker.</strong></p> <p>I'd been crying in my pillow<br> not knowing what to do<br> when I got a bunch of flowers<br> with a card from you know who.</p> <p>Every bloom had been decapitated<br> each dismembered stalk dyed Grey<br> which made my inner Goddess leap<br> it really made my day.</p> <p>I was all a quiver and trembling<br> could life be so...</p> <p>to read the rest you'll have to buy the ebook on Kindle<br> Fifty Shades of Blue - the trilogy by banana_the_poet</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/06/30/fifty-shades-starker-the-sequel-14008613/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-06-23:/2012/06/23/fifty-shades-of-blue-what-really-happened-when-i-met-mr-gray-13926219/banana2012-06-23T20:07:49+02:002012-07-02T21:45:53+02:00 <p><strong>Fifty Shades of Blue - What Really Happened when I met Mr Gray.</strong></p> <p>I was living with this girl<br> <em>not like that we're just friends</em><br> and she had a job to do<br> but had a broken heart to mend.<br> So I said I'd do it for her<br> and she went like, 'Oh OK'<br> so I dressed up & went along<br> to meet this bloke called Mr Gray.<br> <br> Well to cut a very boring story short<br> and to be quite clear<br> I said OMG when I saw the guy<br> but he luckily didn't hear<br> He was like <em>toterly</em> GORGEOUS<br> in a mesmerising way<br> and I knew that from that moment<br> I'd do anything he'd say.</p> <p>He looked into my limpid eyes<br> and his voice was soft and low<br> as he asked me if there were any limits<br> to the places we could go.<br> My mouth went dry and useless<br> while another place got wet<br> and I knew I had to take a chance<br> on whatever I might get.</p> <p>He grabbed me in his steely arms<br> I was lost in his warm embrace<br> I was like <em>toterly</em> ecstatic as he<br> kissed me all over the place.<br> Then a mystical something came over me<br> <em>no not that, disgusting - ew</em>!! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"><br> <br> But I found myself unable to stop singing a really weird<br> version of Don't Step on My Blue Suede Shoes.</p> <p>And it went:<br> You can call me stupid<br> call me thick<br> you can cover me with glue and see if I'll stick<br> oh but don't you,<br> don't you step on my blue suede shoes<br> well you can do what you want but don't step on my blue suede shoes.</p> <p>You can smack me in the mouth<br> smack me in the head<br> you can smack me on the bottom until it turns red<br> but don't you,<br> don't you step on my blue suede shoes<br> well you can do what you want but don't step on my blue suede shoes.</p> <p>You can make me shave<br> make me lose weight<br> make me be the sort of girl that other girls hate<br> oh but don't you,<br> don't you step on my blue suede shoes<br> well you can do what you want but don't step on my blue suede shoes</p> <p>You can roll me in the hay<br> roll me in the grass<br> you can even have a go at my sweet sweet<br> (I can't repeat that bit)<br> oh but don't you,<br> don't you step on my blue suede shoes<br> well you can do what you want but don't step on my blue suede shoes.</p> <p>Well I think you're getting the message<br> it just kept getting worse<br> as I just kept on singing verse after verse after verse<br> and he stopped looking turned on<br> and instead began looking shifty<br> until I got to the last verse (I think it was verse fifty.)</p> <p>Then he told me quite kindly<br> (in the way that you'd expect him to<br> when someone's just sung fifty verses<br> about their suede shoes of blue)<br> that we wouldn't be suited no how and no way<br> and that's the story of me and the sexy Mr Gray.</p> <p>So I made my journey home<br> and I wrote this to you<br> and I'm toterly bummed<br> and Fifty Shades of Blue.<br> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif" alt=":'(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>by banana_the_poet<br> An improved version of this - plus the two sequels: Fifty Shades Starker and Fifty Shades Breed - now available on Kindle as the ebook Fifty Shades of Blue - the trilogy by banana the poet - only 99c</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/06/23/fifty-shades-of-blue-what-really-happened-when-i-met-mr-gray-13926219/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-06-17:/2012/06/17/a-nose-by-any-other-dame-13890783/banana2012-06-17T22:48:21+02:002012-06-17T22:49:33+02:00 <p><strong>A nose by any other Dame...</strong></p> <p>When I was little I thought a Dame<br> was somebody flouncy and camp who came<br> around each year at Christmas time<br> and graced the stage of the pantomime.<br> <br></p> <p>Then later on I learned the truth<br> things weren't as exotic as I'd thought in my youth<br> though the knowledge did not come as much of a wrench<br> to see Dame bestowed on the great Judy Dench.<br> <br><br> But I think I prefer the Dames I knew first<br> to the Dame on your blog who seems horribly worse<br> than the fragrant transvestites and sweet Judy Dench<br> who were never the source of an unpleasant stench.<br> <br><br> by banana_the_poet<br> <br><br> written in response to this blog post by technomist on hearing the news about Tessa Jowell:<br> <a href="http://archipelago-of-truth.blog.co.uk/2012/06/16/a-national-disgrace-is-honoured-13883455/">http://archipelago-of-truth.blog.co.uk/2012/06/16/a-national-disgrace-is-honoured-13883455/</a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/06/17/a-nose-by-any-other-dame-13890783/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-06-12:/2012/06/12/i-hate-homophones-13856083/banana2012-06-12T17:42:41+02:002012-06-12T17:56:12+02:00 <p><strong>I hate homophones.</strong></p> <p>Into the world comes a melody<br> nobody has heard before<br> only our ears thrilling<br> to the moment we greet<br> a new friend into our hearts<br> and minds to take root<br> and grow into a memory<br> and a cure for sadness<br> or despair, singing its<br> gentle tune - a lullaby<br> for our souls and then<br> I write a poem to share<br> with all the world<br> and although I wanted<br> to explain the wonder<br> of hearing a brand new<br> song before anyone<br> else in the universe<br> all I can think of is<br> how could anyone read this out loud<br> without laughing<br> when it has the words<br> 'our souls' in it?</p> <p>by banana_the_poet </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/06/12/i-hate-homophones-13856083/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-04-17:/2012/04/17/a-poem-about-ds9-my-favourite-star-trek-series-13530529/banana2012-04-17T19:27:43+02:002012-04-17T19:27:43+02:00 <p><strong>My fantasy on Cloud Nine</strong></p> <p>I dream of replicators in<br> a calm space installation<br> just outside the wormhole<br> leading to the gamma quadrant<br> run with care and wisdom<br> by The Emissary and the<br> incorruptible Odo at his side.<br> I yearn for explosions in heating conduits,<br> aliens with evil intentions<br> and Universe threatening weapons.<br> Cardassians seem benign now defeated,<br> their only legacy too much Yamok Sauce<br> cluttering Quark’s storage area.<br> Jem Hadar and The Dominion,<br> a cinch to deal with in my opinion.<br> It’s so much easier to imagine life on DS9<br> instead of struggling each day to cope with mine.</p> <p>by banana_the_poet </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/04/17/a-poem-about-ds9-my-favourite-star-trek-series-13530529/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-04-05:/2012/04/05/a-farewell-to-her-charms-brickbats-13413264/banana2012-04-05T13:31:27+02:002012-04-05T14:02:25+02:00 <p><strong>Brickbats.</strong></p> <p>I am lucky to have my beloved<br> his moustache is all soft like a cat's.<br> I've decided to keep a low profile<br> to avoid the gazillion brickbats<br> which have been heading my way<br> since I put my pen to paper<br> and became the Queen of Jones' clones,<br> No good comes to those trying to ape her.</p> <p>I've had my moments of fame<br> out-Lizzing the famous Ms Jones<br> who is back in the saddle again<br> with her Middleton-lookalike moans.<br> So off into the sunset I go<br> with my wonderful husband Pascal.<br> Hand in hand & happy with my hunky French chappy,<br> our love sweet but forever low cal.</p> <p><strong>In the hope that Samantha Brick may now find her happy ever after.</strong></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/04/05/a-farewell-to-her-charms-brickbats-13413264/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-04-03:/2012/04/03/bricking-it-unapologetic-poem-for-pad-2012-day-13397343/banana2012-04-03T18:05:37+02:002012-04-04T11:36:14+02:00 <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/i_told_you_so/6287259" title="I told you so"><img src="http://data7.blog.de/media/259/6287259_f7bc3264e6_s.jpeg" alt="I told you so"></a></p> <p>Edited to add picture from <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124782/Samantha-Brick-says-backlash-bile-yesterdays-Daily-Mail-proves-shes-right.html">this article</a> appearing in DM the day after the priginal article</p> <p><strong>Bricking it.</strong></p> <p>I will not hide in a corner<br> to appease the ugly and fat<br> I was born lovely and got better with age<br> you'll have to get used to that.</p> <p>I'm not making excuses<br> for my slimness and glorious skin<br> I exercised to within an inch of my life<br> to get this pretty and thin.</p> <p>I am happy to state in the papers<br> I use my cleavage at work<br> to befuddle male bosses to my gain and their loss is<br> they don't see my adorable smirk.</p> <p>I have proudly written this article<br> to fulfil my feminist duty<br> of raising awareness of the hazards that come<br> with having incomparable beauty.</p> <p>The paper was lucky to get me<br> not everyone would be so zealous<br> 'cos totty like me can get everything free<br> lesser totty can't so they get jealous.</p> <p>So I refuse to say sorry for being a babe<br> because it would be such a lie<br> and anyone who says I'm not beautiful<br> can just bugger off and die.</p> <p>This is the second for day 3 two for Tuesday poem a day challenge 2012. Write an unapologetic poem - again it is inspired by Samantha Brick - a woman of such incomparable beauty I am sure these are only two of hundreds of poems inspired by her charms.</p> <p><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html">http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html</a> - this is the article that inspired both this and the previous poem. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/04/03/bricking-it-unapologetic-poem-for-pad-2012-day-13397343/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-04-03:/2012/04/03/an-apology-from-samantha-brick-satire-poem-13396828/banana2012-04-03T17:13:57+02:002012-04-03T17:19:28+02:00 <p><strong>Being a Brick about things.</strong></p> <p>I'm sorry I'm so beautiful<br> it's really such a pain<br> to hold the sunshine in my smile<br> to be the rainbow after rain.</p> <p>I'm sorry I make your husband horny<br> it's outside my control<br> I can't help that my flowing locks of gold<br> entwine his lustful soul.</p> <p>I'm sorry I make you so jealous<br> because I'm unfeasibly pretty<br> and all you have to struggle on with<br> is being clever and witty.</p> <p>I'm sorry I cannot help<br> but attract men without fail<br> but most of all I'm sorry I wrote<br> that piece for the Daily Mail.</p> <p>by banana the poet</p> <p>written for day three of the poetic asides poem a day challenge. Prompt: write an apologetic poem. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/04/03/an-apology-from-samantha-brick-satire-poem-13396828/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-04-02:/2012/04/02/funny-poem-about-visitors-and-fish-13389694/banana2012-04-02T23:30:10+02:002012-04-02T23:34:10+02:00 <p><strong>Sounds fishy to me.</strong></p> <p>Some nation compares visitors with fish<br> (the Japanese I think)<br> and says at first they are just fine<br> but after three days they stink.</p> <p>banana_the_poet 2nd April 2012</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/04/02/funny-poem-about-visitors-and-fish-13389694/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-04-02:/2012/04/02/day-2-poetry-a-day-challenge-2012-prompt-a-visitor-poem-13387029/banana2012-04-02T18:52:13+02:002012-04-02T18:52:13+02:00 <p>Day 2 poetry a day challenge 2012 - prompt: a visitor poem.</p> <p><strong>The visitor.</strong></p> <p>I was sitting cross-legged in my armchair, marking.<br> I nodded as my lodger introduced us<br> but didn't say anything;<br> I was on a roll - ploughing through Maths homeworks<br> at a fair old pace with the finishing line in clear sight.</p> <p>If anyone had asked me when he'd gone what the visitor looked like<br> I wouldn't have been able to tell them much:<br> beardy, leather jacket, brown hair,<br> that would have been about it. He wasn't there to meet me<br> he was my lodger's visitor - not my business at all.</p> <p>He sat quietly on the couch waiting for my lodger<br> so they could go out somewhere.<br> I continued marking, as comfortable in his presence<br> as I am twenty two years later.</p> <p>Michele Brenton 2nd April 2012</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/04/02/day-2-poetry-a-day-challenge-2012-prompt-a-visitor-poem-13387029/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-02-17:/2012/02/17/there-can-be-only-one-follow-friday-12809770/banana2012-02-17T14:04:01+01:002012-02-17T14:04:01+01:00 <p><strong>There can be only ONE Follow Friday.</strong></p> <p><img src="http://data7.blog.de/media/106/6192106_b20e488174_m.jpeg" alt="bird"></p> <p>They've tweeted on writing<br> and bullying and fighting<br> and somehow make boredom<br> seem much more exciting.</p> <p>They've twittered on singing<br> and types of bell ringing<br> and who without makeup<br> is totally minging.</p> <p>I've told about my days<br> and pancakes and pie days<br> and when it seems time to<br> suggest Follow Fridays </p> <p>I choose someone sparkling<br> from out of the followed<br> who fed me the tweets<br> I avidly swallowed</p> <p>And tell my sweet followers<br> how they'll all make my day<br> if they will start following<br> my ONE Follow Friday.</p> <p>by @banana_the_poet</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/02/17/there-can-be-only-one-follow-friday-12809770/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2012-01-07:/2012/01/07/animated-cartoon-of-my-poem-you-can-t-be-too-sure-12406914/banana2012-01-07T13:16:25+01:002012-01-25T21:09:32+01:00 <p></p> <p><strong>Animation based on the following poem:</p> <p> You can never be too sure.</strong><br> (Poem based on the joke deemed to be officially the funniest joke in the world.)</p> <p>It was lovely in the forest that day,<br> the sky was a deep clear blue<br> just perfect for hunting deer<br> as our two huntsmen heroes knew.</p> <p>But as the day wore on one hunter turned grey<br> and fainted with a yelp<br> his companion drew out his mobile phone<br> and dialled 911 for help.</p> <p>"My pal is dead! My very dearest friend!<br> He's gone, he's gone,” he said.<br> The operator said, "Calm down Sir,<br> I can help. Let's first make sure he's dead.”</p> <p>The operator heard nothing for a while<br> just silence then a loud shot.<br> Then the guy comes back and says down the phone<br> "OK that's done – now what?”</p> <p>by banana_the_poet aka Michele Brenton</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2012/01/07/animated-cartoon-of-my-poem-you-can-t-be-too-sure-12406914/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-12-31:/2011/12/31/rhyme-or-reason-12374154/banana2011-12-31T02:21:21+01:002011-12-31T02:23:10+01:00 <p><strong>Rhyme or Reason?</strong></p> <p>Some people who are certain if there is or isn't God<br> have always struck me firmly as being rather odd<br> because instead of being comfortable with whatever they believe<br> they focus on making the opposite view their very favourite peeve.</p> <p>I wonder what it is about being so convinced<br> that's so unsatisfying unless the opposition's minced<br> into tiny pieces of sobbing defeated mess?<br> What they get from this is anybody's guess.</p> <p>Now here's the basic tenet which underpins my philosophy,<br> believe or don't in whatever you want and let the other fellow be. </p> <p>Michele Brenton aka banana_the_poet 31 December 2011</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/12/31/rhyme-or-reason-12374154/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-12-24:/2011/12/24/something-free-for-your-new-ereader-12350030/banana2011-12-24T23:54:18+01:002011-12-24T23:56:11+01:00 <p>I'm giving away a nice LONG ebook over the Christmas holiday period.<br> It has images, some black and white and some colour, over 200 poems, a true story about when my family towed a powerboat over the Alps and a short festive fictional story. So what better way to put your new ereader through its paces?<br> Kindle provide software to enable you to download and read this free book on a variety of devices.<br> So if you want a free book to read over Christmas on your iPad, iPhone, Android, Windows PC, Apple Mac or other ereading device look no further.</p> <p>Here's the link to the facebook page where you can get the links to whichever Amazon Kindle site you need :</p> <p><a href="http://www.facebook.com/events/235101609895003/">http://www.facebook.com/events/235101609895003/</a></p> <p>Oh just thought I'd better tell you the title of the book in case you'd prefer to find it on Kindle yourself:<br> Banana's Bumper Xmas Book by Michele Brenton </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/12/24/something-free-for-your-new-ereader-12350030/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-12-24:/2011/12/24/animated-cartoon-version-of-my-poem-canned-humour-12349609/banana2011-12-24T19:36:22+01:002011-12-24T19:36:22+01:00 <p>Canned Humour - a poem about being made redundant.  Sometimes you have to laugh or you'd cry.<br>Lots of love to everyone on Christmas Eve and here's hoping 2012 will be a good year for us all. XX</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/12/24/animated-cartoon-version-of-my-poem-canned-humour-12349609/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-12-22:/2011/12/22/animated-cartoon-of-my-poem-mr-badshock-the-teacher-everyone-fears-12340451/banana2011-12-22T16:51:18+01:002011-12-22T16:54:22+01:00 <p>This is one of the first animated cartoons I attempted.  I am limited by the package as to how many people can speak and the actions they can carry out.  I think this was moderately successful as an adaptation of my poem Mr Badshock.<br> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/12/22/animated-cartoon-of-my-poem-mr-badshock-the-teacher-everyone-fears-12340451/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-12-21:/2011/12/21/get-real-cinderella-the-true-story-my-animated-cartoon-poetry-12337087/banana2011-12-21T21:52:22+01:002011-12-21T22:14:02+01:00 <p>This is an animated version of my poem - Get Real: a modern take on the Cinderella story in which the well-meaning Fairy Godmother finds the tables turned as she gets the makeover instead!</p> <p></p> <p>This is adapted from the original version I wrote as follows:<br> <strong>Get Real!</strong><br> My name’s Cinderella;<br> my mates call me Cin.
<br> I’m fashionably scruffy and trendily thin.
</p> <p>I’ve got gorgeous skin<br> (it’s so good to be young)
<br> a stud in my nose<br> and one more on my tongue.</p> <p>Don’t want a boyfriend<br> tying me down.<br> I want a career<br> not a castle and crown.
</p> <p>I’ll tell you my story<br> (go on, take a chair)<br> it’s worth hearing trust me;<br> I know, I was there.</p> <p>I was in the kitchen alone<br> late at night
<br> when a noise from the scullery<br> gave me a fright.
</p> <p>I opened the door and saw<br> in that room
<br> an ancient old hag<br> speaking out of the gloom.</p> <p>“I'm your Fairy Godmother.”<br> Yes, it was she
<br> walking into the kitchen<br> and talking to me.
</p> <p>“I have come to make sure<br> that you go to the ball,”
<br> and she waggled her wand<br> at a hole in the wall.</p> <p>She waggled it once,<br> waggled it twice,
<br> sniffed and said sharply,<br> “There ought to be mice.”
</p> <p>“Mice in this kitchen!<br> No chance. No way.
<br> There aren't even germs<br> thanks to anti-bac spray!”</p> <p>“Oh never mind -<br> I’ll improve on your clothes
<br> and I’ll soon heal up that thing<br> in your nose.
</p> <p>“Highlights in your hair<br> and a few well placed curls;
<br> should result in you being<br> the cutest of girls.”</p> <p>“Excuse me! Whatever?<br> Do I count at all?
<br> No-one’s asked me<br> if I want to go to this ball.”</p> <p>“But The Prince will be there<br> to make you his bride.”<br> “Stay there while I run<br> to Bermuda to hide.”</p> <p>“But I don’t understand,<br> I’ve been thrown for a loop.
<br> I brought this great pumpkin.”
<br> “Great, make pumpkin soup.”
</p> <p>“I had planned glass slippers,<br> silk gloves and a hat.”
<br> “I’d rather be dead<br> than be seen wearing that.”</p> <p>Well after a talk<br> she at last saw the light.<br> As *F. godmothers go<br> she wasn’t too bright.</p> <p>I suggested she watch<br> some cable t.v.
<br> then took her to concerts<br> and clubbing with me.</p> <p>F.G ditched her wings<br> and got a jet;<br> lost lots of weight<br> but better yet,
<br> she got a boyfriend - name of Vince.
<br> Yup, you guessed it. He’s the Prince.</p> <p>Princey’s happy with dear F.G.
<br> I’m ecstatic just being me.</p> <p>*F. - fairy G. - godmother.</p> <p>appears in Alternative Poetry Books - Pink edition by Michele Brenton aka banana_the_poet</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/12/21/get-real-cinderella-the-true-story-my-animated-cartoon-poetry-12337087/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-12-14:/2011/12/14/my-wish-to-you-for-the-holidays-12304911/banana2011-12-14T22:54:12+01:002011-12-14T22:56:39+01:00 <p>I send these words to all of you<br> and hope they find you hale and well<br> and if not that then on the mend<br> and with a hopeful tale to tell.</p> <p>I wish you days of fun and love,<br> fond leisure, all unrushable<br> and may all the crap you have to deal with<br> be entirely flushable.</p> <p>So snuggle down, keep toasty warm<br> eat, drink and please be merry<br> and spare a thought for those worse off<br> like the little Christmas Fairy<br> who has a tree shoved up her skirt<br> be honest that has got to hurt.</p> <p>As a gift from me here's my Top Ten bestselling Pink Kindle Poetry Book to download Free from Kindle - limited time offer - will go back to costing money on Sunday 18th December. </p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Alternative-Poetry-Books-Pink-ebook/dp/B0034KYR52/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=A7B2F8DUJ88VZ&qid=130084" title="Pink edition - Alternative Poetry Books"><img src="http://data7.blog.de/media/090/6073090_892ee9b2cb_m.jpeg" alt="Pink edition - Alternative Poetry Books"></a></p> <p>Link to US download - <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Alternative-Poetry-Books-Pink-ebook/dp/B0034KYR52/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=A7B2F8DUJ88VZ&qid=130084">http://www.amazon.com/Alternative-Poetry-Books-Pink-ebook/dp/B0034KYR52/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=A7B2F8DUJ88VZ&qid=130084</a><br> Link to UK download - <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Alternative-Poetry-Books-Pink-ebook/dp/B0034KYR52/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=A7B2F8DUJ88VZ&qid=130084">http://www.amazon.co.uk/Alternative-Poetry-Books-Pink-ebook/dp/B0034KYR52/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=A7B2F8DUJ88VZ&qid=130084</a></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/12/14/my-wish-to-you-for-the-holidays-12304911/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-11-23:/2011/11/23/fruits-of-labour-a-funny-poem-about-fruit-by-banana-the-poet-12208487/banana2011-11-23T12:25:17+01:002011-11-23T12:25:17+01:00 <p><strong>Fruits of labour</strong></p> <p>Oranges are lovely except you have to peel them.<br> Peaches are tasty but I much prefer to feel them.<br> Pomegranates - good for you & yet a lot of work.<br> Bananas - vitamins & minerals wrapped up in a smirk.<br> Grapefruit shoot you in the eye.<br> Cherries make delicious pie.<br> Lemons can be worth a try.<br> But if you like to grapple<br> you'll have most fun with pineapple. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/11/23/fruits-of-labour-a-funny-poem-about-fruit-by-banana-the-poet-12208487/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-11-22:/2011/11/22/cheese-and-the-banana-12206554/banana2011-11-22T23:02:42+01:002011-11-22T23:02:42+01:00 <p><strong>Cheese and the banana</strong></p> <p>I bought a lot of cheddar cheese<br> because it was so cheap<br> It lay there past it's sell-by date<br> and piled up in a heap.<br> A little voice inside my head<br> said, "Think of the money you'll save<br> by making loads of cheesy treats<br> you often find you crave."</p> <p>So I listened to the little voice<br> and purchased tons of cheese<br> it's sitting now inside my fridge<br> beside the frozen peas.<br> (Not really it's next to the chilled spring onions but that doesn't rhyme.)</p> <p>I also have some other things<br> close to their sell-by date<br> and I'm finding the pressure to use them up<br> is starting to make me hate</p> <p>Cheese.</p> <p>Blaaah!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/11/22/cheese-and-the-banana-12206554/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-11-17:/2011/11/17/what-i-would-say-to-my-sixteen-year-old-self-12181790/banana2011-11-17T14:28:23+01:002011-11-17T14:28:23+01:00 <p><strong>What I would say to my sixteen year old self.</strong></p> <p>Hello me, I'm you.<br> You have to go through<br> what you will go through.<br> Because everything you are<br> and everything you'll be<br> begins with you<br> and leads to me.</p> <p>And after all you do's<br> been well said and done<br> you can look back<br> on what was hard<br> and what was fun.<br> And none of it was wasted<br> and through all of it you'll learn;<br> Which gifts me with the strength<br> to face my future in its turn.</p> <p>banana_the_poet aka Michele Brenton 17th November 2011 </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/11/17/what-i-would-say-to-my-sixteen-year-old-self-12181790/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-09-19:/2011/09/19/ever-get-the-feeling-you-re-being-taken-for-granted-11874713/banana2011-09-19T11:38:48+02:002011-11-22T23:04:34+01:00 <p>Ever get the feeling you're being taken for granted?<br> <br> <strong>For all the people out there who give until it hurts.</strong></p> <p>Do you ever get the feeling you're a doormat<br> and no one seems to see you for yourself?<br> It's, "Where are my socks? "<br> "My PE kit is lost!"<br> And all you do's for everybody else.<br> <br> And while you're taking care of the world & his wife,<br> you wonder who is looking out for you?<br> You don't want to let folk down.<br> You smile instead of frown<br> at others who don't seem to give a poo.<br> <br> I would like to know the answer to this problem<br> I've been doing it as long as I recall.<br> I know it doesn't work<br> And I am a total berk,<br> Appreciated by no one at all.<br> <br> I would try and find the answer for myself,<br> I have the brains and wit to work it out.<br> But I still have to find those socks and that PE kit's still lost.<br> You'll find me in the shed - having a shout.</p> <p> by banana_the_poet 19th September 2011 </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/09/19/ever-get-the-feeling-you-re-being-taken-for-granted-11874713/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> tag:poetry4fun.blog.co.uk,2011-09-04:/2011/09/04/forget-it-i-did-11778301/banana2011-09-04T13:16:24+02:002011-09-04T13:16:24+02:00 <p><strong>Forget it - I did.</strong></p> <p>Do you ever get a day<br> when your thinking runs away<br> and your head is left as empty as a cloud?<br> Have you ever got downstairs<br> and forgot your underwear?<br> It is not a memory to make you proud.</p> <p>Arriving at the checkout<br> with your shopping pile stacked tall,<br> to discover that your wallet's<br> on the sideboard in the hall,<br> Forgetting your house number,<br> or the woodwork paint is wet,<br> or it is the day you have to take<br> dear Pooky to the vet.</p> <p>I had much more to tell you<br> I was going to write a lot<br> but I'm going to have to 'fess up<br> what it was I've clean forgot. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_sad.gif" alt=":(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>banana_the_poet</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://poetry4fun.blog.co.uk/2011/09/04/forget-it-i-did-11778301/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>